Well it is now a week to go until surgery. I have been working (and I do mean working) at truly releasing my illness to God to be used by Him for His glory. Wow that sounds so deep and profound and conveys me to be such a pillar of strength. So why don't I feel that way? Yesterday we had the most incredible worship experience I have had in a long, long time. We met with the brothers and sisters at Sojourn in Louisville, Kentucky. What an amazing presence of the Spirit! They had one truly rocked out praise team and at one point they started doing my favorite hymn, Be Thou My Vision, in a very powerful way. I started to sing the first verse but soon was overwhelmed and began to weep before my God. I have made it known for many years that I wanted this hymn played at my funeral and I think I started to let it get to me, you know, my own mortality. My emotions traveled from earth to heaven as I pictured leaving the ones I love to me then standing face to face with the One whom I have loved for so long. I saw Him in all His glory and realized that some of my tears were due to the feeling of having disappointed Him so many times and finding that He still loved me. The family at Sojourn blessed me with an experience of what leaving this earth might be like; a sadness intitially for not being with my wife and our family and in a moment transitioning beyond them to God's presence and the displacement of all my worldly attachments and worries. You don't have to be out of your body to discover this, you have to be out of your self. I have discovered in approaching this mile marker that I have really been wrapped up in me. I have been arrogant and have lacked humility. This surgery and its affects will humble me further and by God's providence this is what I need. Maybe, just maybe I will finally lose enough of my self in Him to let Him accomplish the most significant thing He ever purposed in my life. Can you imagine what the next mile marker on the path will be like?! Hang on! The path is growing more interesting.
See you after surgery
The Beetle
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2 comments:
Thank you for keeping up with your blog. Prayers are flowing up on your behalf. We love you JB and we're all here to help you in this next chapter. God's blessings.
for anyone checking dad's blog, just want to let you know that he has made it through surgery well and is in recovery at Sparrow. thanks for all the prayers!
seth
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