A Beetle's Pace

My how time does fly. I had hoped that this would be a weekly appointment but I have found that even once a week is a hard time to keep. I am wanting to travel the path in a well managed, consistent pace but there is just too much to do and experience to travel slowly. God is opening doors so quickly and there are so many that it is increasingly difficult to manage a healthy pace, but as I write this God has given me a quiet morning for contemplation and reflection.

I want to share with you first what is happening physically and mentally with me because it will add your understanding of the significance of what else I intend to share. To put it concisely, I am in menopause. The drug I have been given to inhibit the cancer destroys testosterone. Being male this introduces challenges that by God's initial design I am not prepared to handle. My emotions swing frequently, and at times, widely so my wife has had much to react to. She has been nothing short of great. My many hot flashes (happening even as I type) are a big nuisance and add to that my energy is noticeably dropping. This is all a gift as I now have insight and sympathy with women who walk this part of their path. But now on to a couple of very significant things that are going on.

This week my beautiful and usually very healthy wife was diagnosed with diabetes and at a rather significant level. This has been devastating to her and as I have experienced she too is in a depressed state of mind. There is a great sense of loss with this diagnosis and the prognosis only adds to that loss. This is important because she has been the one on whom I lean the most and now she needs to lean and so I am there. I find it very interesting that when you are at a point where you want to whine about your own situation God sends you or calls you to another who has a need you can fill. (Paul found prison a great place to write letters to friends who needed him.) Sharon and I carved out a couple of days for just us last week and it was truly wonderful. To have one you weep with and rejoice with is of a value that words cannot adequately capture or relate.

I also had the most amazing opportunity to go to the Cedarcreek Church in Perrysburg, Ohio and hear some of the most astute and wise speakers I have ever heard. I walked away with a greater sense of the global impact that results when our local body follows God and that as a small speck of dust I could change the world. How's that for inspiration? Yet I am reminded daily that I have cancer and as I respond to this call that God has placed on my heart I am keenly aware that my life has numbered days. Knowing that there is much I need to do with the years I have remaining so I am anything but passive, victimized, or defeated. I have taken it up a notch but I do try to make every moment count. Pastor Joel Brooks of Kalamazoo says don't go to bed without blood on your sword. I can tell you that I am in the battle everyday and leaving nothing on the table. People's hearts are changing, new responsibilities are opening up, and even Monday I am meeting with someone from the governor's office. Pray big, think big, live big. I won't go down easy.

See you at the next turn.

Not so strong afterall

Sorry for being late on the post this week. Last week was full of travail as a hellacious storm blew through town and flooded our basement. I have never witnessed such a storm and today I write as yet another storm system moves through and floods our streets again. Sharon and I have worked for five days to remove the moisture and we have grown weary of it. I cannot imagine what it has been like for those of Myammar or Iowa but I am certain I never want to wade that path.

What really has been troubling is how quickly my weakness is revealed when life becomes inconvenienced or challenged. I shared Sunday how mad I got with God when my wife mourned the loss of her beloved flowers due to the hail that covered our home and yard. And then as we tore up relatively new carpet that was saturated I became passive as the fight left me and the waters continued to enter. Where was all this warrior-like intensity that I always am quick to preach about? I sat last night wondering if God could really do something wonderful using a guy like me.

I am blessed with the most amazing woman for my wife. Her wisdom is exceeded only by her beauty and compassion. In her not so subtle way she redirects my attention to Jesus (where it should have been all along). Referring to Mark Batterson's book "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day" she tells me to reframe my thinking and to live with uncertainty. So I read the first five chapters this morning before heading out to the office. As I sit in my now dry for the most part basement and think about those whose homes have been totally destroyed. I put on my clothes for the day and am reminded of those who have nothing. And even now I am typing with a full stomach of pizza and salad because I had friends who wanted to treat me to lunch. And I had the audacious spirit that would get mad at God. I am pitiful.

But God does not leave me there. I had an awesome morning! I called my wife and thanked her for loving me and giving me wise counsel. I then put all the bills in the mail because we had enough to cover this week's costs. (The hospital bills have been getting me down.) And then I met with a sister at the church building to do work on the community partnership ministry that we are looking to initiate this fall, that we hope will bring churches of all faiths, agencies of all varieties, and the local government together to meet the needs of those in our community that have so much less than this whiny butt.

God is good and indeed His mercies are new everyday.
Talk to you at the next stop on the path.