A Beetle's Pace

My how time does fly. I had hoped that this would be a weekly appointment but I have found that even once a week is a hard time to keep. I am wanting to travel the path in a well managed, consistent pace but there is just too much to do and experience to travel slowly. God is opening doors so quickly and there are so many that it is increasingly difficult to manage a healthy pace, but as I write this God has given me a quiet morning for contemplation and reflection.

I want to share with you first what is happening physically and mentally with me because it will add your understanding of the significance of what else I intend to share. To put it concisely, I am in menopause. The drug I have been given to inhibit the cancer destroys testosterone. Being male this introduces challenges that by God's initial design I am not prepared to handle. My emotions swing frequently, and at times, widely so my wife has had much to react to. She has been nothing short of great. My many hot flashes (happening even as I type) are a big nuisance and add to that my energy is noticeably dropping. This is all a gift as I now have insight and sympathy with women who walk this part of their path. But now on to a couple of very significant things that are going on.

This week my beautiful and usually very healthy wife was diagnosed with diabetes and at a rather significant level. This has been devastating to her and as I have experienced she too is in a depressed state of mind. There is a great sense of loss with this diagnosis and the prognosis only adds to that loss. This is important because she has been the one on whom I lean the most and now she needs to lean and so I am there. I find it very interesting that when you are at a point where you want to whine about your own situation God sends you or calls you to another who has a need you can fill. (Paul found prison a great place to write letters to friends who needed him.) Sharon and I carved out a couple of days for just us last week and it was truly wonderful. To have one you weep with and rejoice with is of a value that words cannot adequately capture or relate.

I also had the most amazing opportunity to go to the Cedarcreek Church in Perrysburg, Ohio and hear some of the most astute and wise speakers I have ever heard. I walked away with a greater sense of the global impact that results when our local body follows God and that as a small speck of dust I could change the world. How's that for inspiration? Yet I am reminded daily that I have cancer and as I respond to this call that God has placed on my heart I am keenly aware that my life has numbered days. Knowing that there is much I need to do with the years I have remaining so I am anything but passive, victimized, or defeated. I have taken it up a notch but I do try to make every moment count. Pastor Joel Brooks of Kalamazoo says don't go to bed without blood on your sword. I can tell you that I am in the battle everyday and leaving nothing on the table. People's hearts are changing, new responsibilities are opening up, and even Monday I am meeting with someone from the governor's office. Pray big, think big, live big. I won't go down easy.

See you at the next turn.