Hard to believe sometimes...

I have decided to return after an unusually long hiatus.  Why?  I have a need to unload many things that I have accumulated on my journey.  Why now?  Not sure but I do feel that as much as a musician should never die with the music still within him or her I feel that a conveyor of learning should not leave with the knowledge still concealed within himself.  As a teacher, preacher, and sometimes, philosopher I decided now is as good as ever.  So I will share what the Lord has delivered to me.
My topics will vary and may appear eclectic.  If you need more of any particular subject you will need to let me know.  I am sure that I will not exhaust any subject even if I were capable of that.

Today's thoughts are a bit troubling to me and probably to many others.  I just visited a friend who is dying very slowly of cancer.  He has crossed the threshold that we all knew was coming but dreaded its arrival.  His mind is becoming increasingly confused as the pain continues to rise.  More medicine, less lucidity.  My conversations with God are submissive but heavy with questions and doubt.  Just like when Jesus prayed the prayer in Gethsemane, a prayer He knew could not be answered in the way He worded it, my prayers for my friend's healing are fruitless.  I have resolved in my mind that he is going to die soon.  And frankly I am tired of people of faith rationalizing God's failure to heal him.  I know that He is capable but why is He unwilling?  I believe there is great power in prayer but there is a feeling of a significant absence of it in my friend's life at this time.  So what is to be done?  I'm not God.

I recently read Greg Boyd's book on the Benefit of Doubt and I agree that my questioning and doubt is neither a weakness or a sin.  What God has done is create this incredible crack in my thinking where He may bring a deeper faith to me than I have ever had.  Instead of becoming disillusioned or bitter I am actually experiencing a degree of enlightenment.  I am finally breaking clear of expecting God's favor in all of the  circumstances in this world and refocusing on the great love and hope He provided at the cross.  Good and bad people both have good and bad things happen to them.  That's the deal.  Your choice is to either deal with them with no hope beyond this world or with the great hope that something far greater is to come.  I choose the latter.

I hate to see my friend or any other suffer but both he and I know and trust that this is not the end.  Why the suffering?  I don't have a freakin' clue.  God does what God does and my prayers are heard.  Sometimes they go the way I hope and other times they don't, but I must remember that God gave no guarantees for this world when I entered His covenant.  He simply promises to never forsake me.  I have survived my cancer so far and everything seems pretty good but I know that can change.  The key is to stay faithful to God because I will not be defeated by life's trials if I stay with Him.  Apart from Him I will be destroyed.  This is not to make reference to my body but to my soul.  The day I was born I began a path toward death but that is only restricted to my body because in Christ I will always have life.  Only the form and place change.

I praise God that my friend knows Jesus.  He is at peace even in the midst of the fight.  As Paul said, "O death where is thy sting?"  God I believe, help my disbelief.

See you down the path.